American Idol Season 13 Finale Recap

Jena Irene or Caleb Johnson? That was the primary question looming over tonight’s American Idol Season 13 finale, but it certainly wasn’t the only one.

Other crucial debates you might’ve had with your Idol viewing club:
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1. What was more abyssmal: J.Lo’s vocals or her scanty blue Chistmas-tinsel dress during her performance of her new single “First Love”? (Trick question: The International Court of Justice at The Hague determined that what comes out of J.Lo’s mouth when the beat drops does not qualify as singing! #UhHuhIWentThere)


2. Whose brilliant idea was it to drop so many giant yellow beach balls into the Nokia theater that Idol‘s camera crew couldn’t get a single unobscured shot of Paramore’s Hayley Williams or her duet partner Jena serving up the night’s hardest-hitting, most effervescent vocals? (My Twitter follower @jennmilazo theorizes it must’ve been Randy Jackson, since “the worst ideas are always his.”)

3. Did a technical glitch prevent the Idol judges from opening a specially designed Moon Door in the Nokia Theater to flush the lovely and talented Jessica Meuse to an egg-shattering ending or were they afraid that Sugarland’s Jennifer Nettles might be taken out with her?
4. How did the words “Randy Jackson” and “world-class mentor” get used in the same sentence? (Fun fact: An entire Season 2 episode of Sleepy Hollow will be devoted to decoding this blasphemy.)

5. Wasn’t there any song more appropriate for grown and sexy John Legend to perform with bubbly 16-year-old Malaya Watson than “All of Me” — a ditty in which he praises his lady’s curves and imperfections? (Wait, did I just turn into Grampy McJudgerson, shouting “What about the children?”)
 
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And finally…

6. Did Jenny From the Block outsing Harry Connick Jr. on the judges’ performance of “Go Your Own Way”? Or more importantly, what kind of voodoo was used to make this happen? (Quick: Somebody make sure Thia Megia hasn’t been tied to a post on the beach as a sacrifice to the vocal gods!)