Joke

story story!
A man caught a bird and wanted to kill the bird, the bird pleaded with the man not to kill it and promised to tell him three things that will make him very rich in this life, the man accepted.
Then the bird started
1. you must never let go of what is in your hands no matter what.
2. you must be contented with what you have.
3! the bird pleaded with the man to allow it fly to a tree nearby and promised to say the third one, the man accepted and let the bird fly to the tree. The bird then asked the man what its first instruction was?

HOW TO MESS IN PUBLIC (PLS DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME)

HOW TO MESS IN PUBLIC (PLS DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME)

To mess for public dey sweet but if dem catch u, no be small embarassment o! Just follow dis guide lines and u are on ur way to being a star in dis profession.

1. When u enter a hall, check d wind direction, if na closed hall with AC, better. Maximum impact.
2. Make sure say u sidon face d wind direction. ...
3. Make sure say u get enough leg space. U go soon knw why.
4. Form ajebo by crossing ur legs every now and then.
5. U don ready to execute, try hold am until time wey d hall dey noisy incase ur mess na d type wey dey sound like AK47.
6. Now carefully cross ur leg, right over left.
7. Elevate d right yansh lobe.
8. Release small (sound check)
9. If no sound, allow make d mess flow steady.
10. Allow time for proper circulation.

NOTE:
1. Make sure say no be u be d first person to complain.
2. When ppl begin dey shout say e no go better for d person wey do dis kind thing, simply ask "why person no fit respect d presence of odas na?"
3. No hala pass odas if not u go bcom suspect.
4. Take style disengage frm d area, relocate to another zone and repeat d exercise

Explosion rocks Gombe Gov’s house

Two soldiers were, yesterday, killed in an explosion that rocked the private residence of Gombe State Governor, Alhaji Ibrahim Hassan Dankwambo at Government Reservation Area (GRA), in Gombe metropolis.

Akpors the Nigerian Army

Akpors joined the Nigerian Army, After the hard training he received, Akpos successfully passed, At the passing out ceremony the commandant assigned the postings.
Commandant: Ambali kuka!
Ambali: Sir!
Commandant: Posted to abuja.
Ambali: Yes sir, thank u sir!
Commandant: Muniru Sulai man!
Muniru: Sir!
Commandant: Posted to warri
Muniru: Yes sir, thank u sir!
Commandant: Akpors Ojong Itikoloko!
Akpors: Sir!!
Commandant: Posted to Maiduguri
Akpors: Retired Sir

A REAL GUY

She takes her clothes off and walks
towards
him...
BF: Put your clothes back on dear
GF: why dear
BF: nothing, just put it back on. (stands up
to help
her put her dress on)
GF: (grabs him and whispers in an ear
shout) u
dont love me, right?
BF: I love you and thats why i'm gonna
wait for
the right time...
GF: so, this is not the right time?
BF: No
GF: (scoffs) when then? ur just doing
this cos you don't love me
BF: when you have your clothes on,I
see right
inside of you and the beauty i found
there in, is
the reason i am so in love with you... (GF
eyes lights up as she zips up her
dress
again)(BF HUGS GF and whispers) and
the right
time will be our wedding night GF:
( screams in deligh ) I Love you honey.. so
so
much!
DO SUCH GUYs STILL EXIST?

Boy confesses to razing houses in Borno village for N2,000

A young man, named, Ibrahim Tilitili was said to have been paid the sum of two thousand Naira (N2,000), to burn down few houses at Mandara Girau village in Biu local government area of Borno state.

Ibrahim, Chibok by tribe and resident of Mandara Girau village confessed that one Mallam Sani also a resident of the Village gave him the amount and instructed him to set some of the houses in the village on fire.

Girl Killed by Train During Heated Argument With Her Father

Brittney Silva was tragically hit and killed by an Amtrak train as she walked on train tracks near her home in San Leandro, California. Brittney was talking on her cell phone when this horrible accident occurred at Hesperian Boulevard at 5:55 on Monday evening. An eyewitness attempted to warn her but she could not hear because she had ear buds in both of her ears.
Brittney had been using her earphones while engaging in a heated argument with her father as she walked on the tracks toward home. She was no stranger to the danger that could occur on train tracks because the Amtrak trains passed by her home every day. According to Brian Crist, her stepfather, the teen was distracted and upset. She had gotten lost in the escalated conversation.
Witnesses told police that the crossing arms of the railroad had functioned properly at the time the accident took place. The southbound Capitol Corridor train stopped several hundred yards after hitting the girl and none of the 83 passengers aboard the train were hurt. Brittney’s body was found 50 yards south of the tracks. The pink phone her stepfather had bought her was found close by.
Cynthia Silva, Brittney’s mother, said she has told her children over and over again to keep one ear bud in and one out so that they can hear what is going on around them. Cynthia said this goes for all of the kids out there walking down the street either talking on the phone or listening to music. She believes if her daughter had listened and did what she said, she would have heard the train coming down the tracks.
The teen’s younger sister, Melody, said everyone loved Brittney. She was very nice, respectful and always gave her great

WISE SAYING

A gentleman respects every women in his life. If you cant respect your own mother, forget about respecting your girlfriend.

Avoid public fights with your woman. Keep things private to let her know theres an exclusive world that you and her share.

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